Special Needs Parents : Are you making these three mistakes?

As parents of children with special needs, we often struggle to make sure our children receive the supports they need. By avoiding these three mistakes, we can make that struggle easier. 

1.  Ruining your relationship with your children’s schools

Credit:  Cliff on Flickr

Parents will not help their children if they argue with staff at their children's school. Remember your children will probably attend that school for several years. Parents are more likely to receive cooperation from school staff if you maintain amicable relationships with them. It is okay to be assertive when asking for supports for your children, but avoid being argumentative.

An excellent illustration of the difference between being argumentative and assertive can be found by reading these letters to a stranger.

2.  Not networking with other parents.

Credit:  Alan Stanton on Flickr

Other parents of children with special needs are a tremendous resource. Parents who don't network are at a disadvantage.  Other parents can give you lots of information including:

• How different schools are supporting children with needs similar to your own child
• Emotional support
• What teachers and other school staff are like and the best way to approach them
• Tips for Individualized Education Plans (IEPs)
• Suggestions for books and websites they have found helpful
• Types of accommodations made for their children in terms of classwork, homework and testing
• Recommendations for medical providers, therapists or other professionals
• Best places to buy special needs aids, equipment and toys

Even if you work full-time, set aside time to network with other parents. To meet other parents:

• Join a local support group
• Check for local groups on Facebook and other social media
• Talk to other parents when you pick up or drop off your children
• Go to any parents' association meetings
• Get involved in or attend school activities

 Your work will pay off with the knowledge you acquire.

3.  Not being proactive

No one wants their children to reach their potential as much as you do. No one cares for your children as much as you do. Parents shouldn't wait for the school to take action in support of their children. Parents must be the ones to make things happen for their children! To do this effectively, they must arm themselves with information.

Credit:  Newburyport Public Library on Flickr

Learn as much as you can about your children’s disabilities and legal rights. Medline is a great starting point for information on medical conditions.

Other good websites with information on medical conditions and learning disabilities include:

• National Center for Learning Disabilities
• Understood
• WebMD
• KidsHealth
• Patient UK

Wrightslaw has extensive resources and links explaining special education law in the United States.  Although Wrightslaw focuses on US law, the website also has information on advocacy that is helpful for all parents.

Here are links to sites in some in other countries.

Special Needs Parents Association - Ireland

Citizens Advice Bureau - United Kingdom

Canadian Paediatric Society - Canada

Australian Association for Special Education - Australia

When you understand your children's diagnoses and their legal rights, you can assess whether your children are receiving the full supports they are entitled to. You will be in a better position to interact with your children's educators and medical providers. 

I originally published a version of this article on Examiner.com.